Mother of preemie criticizes The Duggars for their nonchalance about Josie

There’s a very good editorial on MSN from a mother of a premature baby who is aghast at the way the Duggar family has handled the media after their youngest, Josie, was born four and a half months early. Josie recently had to go back to the hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas, when her vitals dropped due to problems she had digesting the supplements that were being added to her mom’s breastmilk. She had just gone home last week after a nearly four month stay following her birth. Josie is doing much better and will hopefully go back home again to her large family in a few days.

The editorial on MSN impressed me because it touches on something that’s bothered me about the Duggars but I never quite put my finger on – their nonchalance. They’re so mellow about everything, and that makes them calm, arguably effective parents who run an ordered household. There’s something delusional about that in Josie’s case, though. They happily posed for photos with Josie, allowed cameras in the hospital, and said they would continue having as many kids as “God” granted them. This made them seem more clueless than they already did, and if they were aware of the seriousness of their 19th child’s condition they certainly weren’t fazed by it at all. Compare that to what this mother says she went through when her child was born about as premature, and it all seems suspect. I guess we already knew the Duggars were in their own spacey happy world, though. Here are some of the highlights:

On the Duggars’ “twisted” media coverage of Josie
For a parent, experiencing the harrowing birth of a premie is an absolute nightmare. It requires so much strength and hope and emotion and hard work. I know; I have some experience walking in Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s shoes, and I’m thoroughly baffled, even offended, by their public reaction and interaction with the media since Josie’s birth. I’m not sure that being offended by their lifestyle choice is totally reasonable, but it’s definitely what I feel. When I heard she was so early, I felt sad knowing what a long, tough road she has ahead. But within days the media were asking if the couple was going to have more babies. (Who really asks that right after a seriously medically challenging delivery? If someone had asked me that, they would have gotten punched in the mouth!) The Duggars’ response didn’t exactly defuse the media, though. They could have deflected the ensuing criticism by saying something to the effect of, “Our newborn is fighting for her life. We’re not in a position to think about that at the moment.” Instead, they went on to give People an interview saying they’re fully open to having more children. The article included photos of them looking as happy as can be while holding little Josie in the hospital with her feeding tube taped to the side of her face. TLC video crews were also on hand to document it all from birth up to now. It actually seems kind of twisted to me.

My own premie arrived three months early, too, and weighed just two ounces more than Josie Duggar. Our neonatal nurses wouldn’t even turn the lights on in our daughter’s room because it was too much stimulation for her delicate eyes. We were also only allowed two people at a time to visit her because of the risk of the introduction of germs. Something that might cause a cold for a term baby could be lethal for a premie.

In the early days after her birth, we wore hospital gowns and face masks. I cannot imagine having a television crew just feet away from my premie, with cameras, lights, gear, and boom mikes that have been all over creation. I was astounded when I saw the People photos and TLC video, knowing what went into taking them and what kind of stress that could cause for baby Josie….

On the Duggars’ general lifestyle
I find the Duggar phenomenon totally off-putting (including the hokey plan to give every child a name that starts with the letter J). So many children, a televised wedding, a new grandbaby, another televised special on Josie’s birth — all of this in the name of what? This deeply Christian family would probably answer, “God.” That might be satisfactory enough if it was a more private affair, one not broadcast on national television. It’s one thing to have an unusually large family. It’s another to put that family and all its trappings into a fishbowl and then invite millions of viewers to gawk and critique and criticize. “19 Kids and Counting” (previously called “18 …” and “17 …”) isn’t the Duggars’ first foray into television entertainment. They started with Discovery way back when the family was comparatively small with just 14 kids. Clearly, it’s reached freak show status or TLC wouldn’t be documenting the trials, chaos, and certainly cooperation and love of this ginormous family…

The reality of having so many kids, though, is that one mom and dad just couldn’t possibly do it all. At some point, the older kids have to be stand-in or part-time parents to the younger ones. Maybe Jim Bob and Michelle, themselves, inadvertently admitted that when they said on their Web site that one of their goals in parenting a large family is making sure they have individual conversations with each child at least — wait for it — once a week! Can you imagine how loved a kid must feel getting penciled in to talk to Dad on Wednesdays at 2:35? It sounds more like a parent/teacher conference than parent/child relationship. (Better not be late!) The family also has Operational Definitions of Character Qualities they expect of their kids. I think I had one of those at the mega-company I used to work for. The kids are also paired off in a buddy system so an older child can mentor and help a younger one.

[From TV.MSN.com]

The author doesn’t have just criticism for the Duggars, and praises their frugality and organizational skills in running such a large family. I liked this article because it was certainly opinionated, but it was balanced, backed up well and she was writing from experience. Most families feel the strain from one premature baby, but the Duggars just keep pressing on with permagrins and a promise to try, try again. That’s part of the reason they’re so famous. It’s their kids that will have to deal with the repercussions of that, especially Josie. Hopefully she’s ok and will be well cared for like her siblings. I don’t dislike the Duggars, I just understand why people take issue with them.